Why...why...why...?

I hate the word why.

I want to take the word why into a secluded back room, put on my brass knuckles and beat the shit out of it.  I hate it that much.

I never used to have a problem with ‘Why’.  In the past when the kids would question something I thought it was cute because it meant they wanted to learn.  Inquisitive children were smart children in my book and that was cool!

That was before we hit the ‘Why Stage’.  Now it doesn’t matter what I’ve just said, it is automatically followed by ‘Why’:

“I’m going to shower.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to be clean.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re going out and I don’t want to smell.”

“Why?”

“Ummm…why are we going out or why don’t I want to smell? And do I seriously have to justify the fact that I’m going to shower to you? No.  I just am, ok?  Go get your shoes on.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re going…BECAUSE I SAID SO!”

And that is how ‘Because I said so’ came to be.  I never liked this as an answer before I had kids.  Then again, I never wanted to strangle a small child before I had kids either.  Live and learn.

I’ve come to realize parents who use that phrase are not being lazy; they are just slowly being driven insane and are desperately searching for a way to save themselves.

Dear CIA, forget water boarding.  That crap is for wussies.  Get a three year old to follow your prisoners around all day and ask them ‘Why’.  They’ll break.  Believe me, they’ll break.

People whose children  have not starting abusing ‘Why’ yet probably think it’s just a phase they all go through and it’s really no big deal.

Before: “Oh how cute! Isn’t it funny how they all love to ask why?  So curious! And look!  They even made a hilarious little car commercial about a boy asking why all the time.  Precious.  Absolutely precious!”

After: “Shuuuuuuut the fuuuuuuck uuuuuup!”

I am most definitely in the “after” group right now.  I would really love to never hear that word again.  Like, don't you have a loud drum to beat or a brother to push or something?  Is following me around questioning my every move really the best use of your time right now?

Eventually I’m going to resort to the answer my Dad always gave me when I asked him a question: “Look it up.” 

Except my kids will have Google so they won’t have to suffer with an actual dictionary like I did. Which is totally unfair.  I think I’m gonna have to go buy a set of outdated encyclopedias in anticipation…good luck finding an answer for "Why can't I throw my shoes at the TV?" in there!